Meh, Canada
February 26th, 201014 comments Posted in Politics, Sports
Dan says…
Using her other persona, the real one, Jane wrote a little something about Canada a few days ago that struck me funny. You know, the way the people of Wal*Mart strike you as funny. Here’s what she wrote:
This got me to thinking. (Also, to researching, because Jane makes shit up all. the. time.) Why am I not engrossed in this winter Olympiad? I used to watch every hour of coverage, but now I’m only tuning in as a bedtime sleep aid. Why?
Is it because what I’m hearing through Twitter about this Olympics sounds so much like the descriptions of the girls my mother used to try to set me up with? #great_personality
Or maybe it’s because I find it hard to believe that the organizers of a billion-dollar, multi-national sports event can’t think to wrap a pillow or something around a pole that could end up killing someone, yet the people at the sledding run at the 19th hole of one of my local municipal golf courses can.
The fact that someone’s boner is missing, and that the search for said boner represents about 15% of the Olympic storylines right now, could be part of the reason why these games aren’t drawing me in.
Maybe it’s my disappointment that people in Florida can make smoother ice than the people who invented it.
Or maybe it’s the lame logo:
It could be that the venue just isn’t compelling enough. If I get in my car and drive an hour straight north, I can find all the flannel and below average dental hygiene I could ever want.
So I’m hoping I’ll be spared the Rudy-esque ‘rooting for the underdog of Olympics’ for the rest of the week. I mean, c’mon. Rudy was five foot nuthin’, a hundred and nuthin’, and in the end all he did was tackle a couple dudes one time. Hardly enough to make him the best ever.
P.S. to Jane:
The forests are bigger and healthier because it’s fucking cold in Canada. Nobody lives in half of it. Which is also why there’s lower crime. Who wants to go out and steal stuff when it’s 20 below? And then have to cover up their footprints in the snow as they get away?
True, the Canadian dollar was worth more than it’s U.S. neighbor. For about a week.
Canadians have nat’l healthcare. They have more government per capita. Hmm. Related?
The Canadian economy IS growing. Why? Oil. And diamonds. See ya later, beautiful forests…
…but Jane thinks…
I’m sticking by my original observation about the bandwagon jumpers complaining about the Vancouver Olympics: sour grapes, people. And people, especially Americans who are ever more envious of people who have their act way more together than we do, love to trash the Prom Queen. The truth is, Canada is looking lots more like Prom Queen these days. And the U.S.A., We’re the mean girl who backstabs her friends, assumes she’s going to be the belle of the ball, and spends her night hanging out by the punchbowl alone.
Dan, you imply that there is an inherent problem with having more “government per capita.” Next you’re going to be declaring yourself a teabagger. Use your head, boy man. The only potential problem with having “more government,” which by the way is not what I said, I said that the people had greater representation in government – more elected officials doesn’t necessarily translate to “more government” – , is if that government inserts itself into people’s lives in an way that is undesirable or invasive. Most Canadians aren’t complaining about their national healthcare. They’re also not complaining about government’s role in their daily lives. Americans, on the other hand, are splintered, fragmented, and disgruntled.
Canada has had oil and diamonds, this isn’t new. And so far, they are way more responsible with their natural resources than we are. Our own government fact sheet about Canada highlights a few of the reasons why Canada is thriving while the U.S. is flailing under the weight of its own self-declared dominance:
For a country who occupies more land than any other nation than Russia, their per capita GDP rank is a respectable 25, and they’re not poking their neighbors with their elbows and filling every available acre of land with strip malls. And there are fewer Canadians living below the poverty line than Americans. Crime rates are lower in Canada, despite the fact that vast regions of the Canadian interior are practically lawless – Hey, Dan! You and your teabagger buddies can get behind that! The unemployment rate is lower than ours, and their public debt is lower.
In fact, the only gripe I can muster about Canada at the moment is that their women’s hockey team celebrated excessively after their defeat of the U.S. women for the gold last night. Their over the top and not very gracious celebration was especially surprising given that Canadian athletes and officials were directed to behave modestly and to avoid giving the appearance of hyper-nationalism. See how I did that, Dan? Pretended like I was criticizing Canada and turned it into a comparison with the U.S.A. cultural norm of flag waving “We are Number 1!” mania?
Still doubting the merits of the quality of Canadian life? Watch this video prepared by Tom Brokaw at the start of the Olympic games. And thanks to The Redneck Mommy for the link.
Before I even knew there were the 
I remember wondering what the hell was up with the ubiquitous Jergens lotion ads on tv and in magazines. Inevitably, my mother had a tube of Nivea in her purse. Even more recently like in the last 15 years because when you’re 42, 15 years becomes “recent,” I noticed that the wife on Everybody Loves Raymond whose name I can’t be bothered to look up even though I know that her REAL name is Patricia Heaton and she’s very open about having lots of plastic surgery puts hand cream on every night before bed. And not that this is remotely relevant or anything, but that always bugged me. If you’re going to read in bed, you should put the hand goo on AFTER you read, otherwise the pages will get all smudgy, right? Right.
My two favorite options are from Bliss: 
