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• The People of Wal*Mart: built stupid, too.
• I totally thought this meant that someone carved a tree into a penis. Oh, I guess that IS what happened.
• George Washington grew weed.
• In America, there are more losers than farmers.
• You get free high speed internet on the international space station.
• Some men’s semen travels at 28mph.  Some travels at mach 2.  Just a fact, y’all.  Not braggin’.
• And breakfast should sometimes be optional.   Like today.

At Dan’s Place: My son, in his quest for manhood, never misses an opportunity to watch Dad pee standing up. Yesterday as he stood next to me, watching the mechanics of the withdrawal of ‘the weapon,’ the aim and the fire, he stepped back and said “That. Is. Gross.” And he turned and left. I laughed so hard I peed all over the toilet.

New feature: Light reading to kick off the weekend. You like? Say so. You no like? Golden rule, people.

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• Press Sec. Robert Gibbs forgot he was performing at the White House, not the Laugh Factory. Grow up, Gibby.
• Khloe Kardashian announces she wants to do herself on film. The only real surprise here will come when people see she’s hung like a Clydesdale.
• Man hoping to earn Capital One points tries to buy crack w/ plastic. Calls police when car is stolen during drug deal.   I got nothin’. Can’t make this shit up.
• John Mayer says sex was like killing Vietnamese via airdrop.
• Environmental group wants you to stop having sex with animals. So you’re saying I should stop trying to grant my son’s wish for a centaur for his birthday?   Fucking killjoys.

And at Dan’s place this week:

• Dan was called a “punk” by his 2 year old son.
• Dan nearly went MMA in the parking lot of the local library.
• Dan was “Blah-blah-blah’d” by his 5 year old daughter.

Have a great weekend, Jane readers.

This is a multiple choice question.  Once we’ve received a few answers, we’ll fill you in on which choice Dan made and how that played out.

You’re in a parking lot with your entire family.  Husband, kids.  Everyone. (safe to assume most of you are women?  probably.) You’re unloading the kids to walk into the library/store/whatever.  Also in the parking lot are other families with small children, loading and unloading.  Someone pulls out of a parking space near you and accelerates way to fast, gets to the end of the row of cars, turns up the next row and races, again way too fast, into another parking space, slightly closer to the entrance.

In this situation, you would wish that your husband would do which of the following:

A)  Nothing.

B) Say “Did you SEE that guy?!” to you, then go about his business.

C) Make sure the children are safe and accounted for, then walk across the lot, to the entrance.

D) Shake his fist or flip a bird at the reckless driver, then go about his business.

E) Yell to/at the reckless driver after he’s parked and gotten out of his car, warning him about his driving.

F) Rush over to the reckless driver’s car as soon as it’s parked, pull the man from his car and beat the shit out of him.