Chat Roulette: The Dirt

I’m not even sure where to begin to describe some of the troubling, hilarious, weird and sometimes? Once in a while? Completely normal things that I’ve seen on Chat Roulette.

I’ve seen a talking golden retriever.

I’ve seen a man holding up a sign asking men to show him their dicks.

I’ve seen guys smoking bongs. I’ve seen rooms full of weed.

I’ve seen women in lingerie, sitting on beds.

I’ve seen a man wearing a happy meal bag as a mask. And a man wearing an Underdog mask.

I’ve seen a man shoving what appeared to be a 20″ dildo so far up his ass that his stomach bulged.

I’ve seen a young couple having sex while on Chat Roulette, looking for encouragement. “Go! Go! Go!”

I’ve seen 3 very young, bored looking girls alone in their room, looking for something to cure their boredom. Having a daughter myself, I think this one made me the most angry, the most sick to my stomach. But again, it comes down to parenting.

I saw a man sitting next to Batman.

I saw an enormous woman running her fingers through a briar patch between her legs.

I had a “dancer” in Vegas ask to see my dick. So of course, I showed her.

I saw a woman with enormous breasts practicing Mr. Myagi’s “wax the car.”

And men jerking off. Lots and lots of men jerking off.

But mostly? It was bored looking white dudes looking for a diversion. And boobs, probably.

In fact, I took a tally after 20 minutes on Chat Roulette and here’s what I saw, in order of frequency:

One bored dude: 60
2+ bored dudes: 12
One woman: 9
Masturbating penis: 7
One naked dude: 5
Empty room: 5
2+ bored women: 4
Bender: 1
One dude rubbing crotch: 1
Signs asking to show boobs: 1
Group of people at a party: 1
2+ young children: 1
Sleeping dog: 1
Man & Woman, Clothed: 1

Now before you leave here thinking I was as much a predator as any of the men with their johnsons hanging out, know this:  my participation was nearly exclusively through handwritten text only.  That’s right, video of my writing something on paper.

Here’s some of my better responses:

Pretty obvious what I was responding to here.

80’s flashback: big, mirrored sunglasses. At night.

There was a sign propped up against a nook in what looked like a restaurant kitchen saying “Tits for France!”

I have to say that if I walked away from this experience with anything, it’s that I have way more confidence in the size of my package. There’s lots of smallness out there.

Someone had a sign that said “Show me your boobs.”

Dude looked like he was in prison. So I thought I’d ask.

She asked “What are you doing on this site?”

I promise. The paper I’m writing on won’t go all Alien on you with a monster popping out of the middle.