Finally Friday

So whatta you do for a living?

Uh, I’m a cougar hunter. There’s no medical or dental and sometimes I’m working all night, but the pay is pretty good.

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And when he hit the end of the rope, witnesses say his anal retentive shot right out of the bottom of his pants.

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Did you see me??? I was on TELEVISION today!!!!David Spade is still the neediest Vince Neal lookalike on Twitter.

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I’ve never done the panty stealing thing, but I would think the turn-on would be way bigger if you stole ‘em from the panty drawer, not the laundromat. Right? So dude is a freak and a chicken shit.

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Suh Weet. We need cops like this in my state. I think we import ours from Fargo.

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We’re so sorry, Ms. Hotelguest. We will absolutely comp you a new roon. That must’ve been Joe. No, it’s not a python in your toilet, ma’am. Pythons aren’t brown.

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To our Phillies fans: Beware drunk guys with Jersey accents.

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It’s like I can’t ever do what I want anymore. Not in strip clubs, and NOW, not in museums. I was taught in art class that great art should stimulate ALL the senses. I was just trying to be stimulated, that’s it.

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That’s it, Dan & Jane readers. Have a spectacular weekend filled with whatever you want it filled with. With any luck mine will be filled with whiskey, cigars, porn and peanut butter and nanner sammiches.